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  His hours at work had seemed far longer than usual now that he had a baby son waiting for him. As soon as he entered the house, his tension began seeping away. Hearing noises in the kitchen, he tossed his new car keys into a bowl on the table at the foot of the stairs and walked down the hall, enjoying the warm, welcoming feel of home.

  Tired and hungry, all he wanted was to see Max.

  And Holly, who continued to arouse confusing emotions inside him, setting his head and his heart at war.

  * * *

  ‘Hi. Everything OK?’

  ‘Fine. Max has been good as gold,’ Holly smiled in response to Gus’s question as he strode into the kitchen.

  The hours without him had seemed horribly long, and her pulse raced as she drank in the sight of him. Dressed in a grey T-shirt, and faded jeans that lovingly hugged his long legs, he was the epitome of male gorgeousness and she cursed her wayward heart and disobedient body for their instant reactions to him. Gus continued to draw her like a moth to a flame…a moth that had been singed on numerous occasions but still succumbed to the lure, however dangerous.

  ‘How was it back in A&E?’ she asked, distracting herself.

  ‘Tiring. And good. But long.’

  Holly nodded in understanding. His words mirrored her feelings when she’d had to leave Max and go to work. She listened as Gus described some of the cases he’d seen in Minors, from a precocious toddler with a bead stuck in her ear to a middle-aged man who’d fired a nail gun through his foot while installing decking.

  Holly looked up from preparing a salad and watched Max wave his fist towards Gus. The gesture and his gurgle of pleasure as his father gently caught his little hand and kissed it brought a lump to her throat and an ache of longing inside her.

  ‘He missed you,’ she told him, declining to add that Max hadn’t been the only one.

  Gus plucked the baby from the Moses basket and nuzzled Max’s chubby cheeks. ‘Me, too,’ he admitted huskily, flicking a brief but intense gaze in her direction.

  She turned away from the sight of father and son lovingly interacting with each other and put the finishing touches to the salad, which would accompany the quiche she’d made for supper. Putting the bowl in the fridge, she reflected on how, in a few short weeks, Max had become the centre of her life. So much so that she’d been doing a great deal of soul-searching and now realised she needed to talk to Gus. She glanced at him nervously, unsure how he would react to her suggestions.

  Gus closed the gap between them, coming near enough for her to enjoy his familiar aroma: clean warm man mixed with the subtle, earthy musk of his aftershave. A heady, sexy combination. As he handed her a drowsy Max their hands touched and Gus’s arm brushed against her, sending a shiver of awareness zinging along her nerve-endings. Disconcerted, she took a step back, her gaze meeting his.

  She could feel each rapid beat of her heart as he reached out a hand and tucked a stray wisp of hair behind her ear. Her skin tingled. He lingered for several seconds before slowly withdrawing, allowing his fingertips to whisper a caress against her cheek. The tension was electric, humming between them with a conflicting mix of awkwardness and intimacy. It was only when Gus moved to take a can of cola from the fridge that she was released from his spell.

  Unsettled by her complicated, dangerous feelings for Gus, Holly hugged Max and buried her face against him, breathing in his sweet baby scent. As Gus leant against the counter, taking a long pull of his drink, she exhaled a shaky breath and plucked up the courage to broach the subject preying on her mind.

  ‘Can we talk?’ she asked.

  ‘All right.’ Looking wary, Gus ran the fingers of one hand through his hair, leaving it attractively mussed. ‘What about?’

  Having won his cautious acceptance, she cleared her throat, trying to inject more steadiness into her voice. ‘I want to make some changes to our agreement.’

  Sultry green eyes studied her with an intensity that stole her breath. Every part of her felt alive. Moving to sit at the table, she adjusted Max in her arms, rubbing her cheek against the fuzz of soft brown hair on his head. Anxious and uncertain, she waited for Gus’s reaction.

  CHAPTER NINE

  ‘CHANGES?’ Anxiety twisted inside him at Holly’s request. As he watched her cuddle Max, a sudden fear gripped him. Was he was going to lose her? Did she want to leave? He sat down opposite her and asked the all-important question. ‘What kind of changes?’

  ‘How would you feel if I cut back my hours?’

  For a second his heart almost stopped. ‘Your hours here with Max?’

  ‘No!’ She frowned, carefully adjusting Max, who had fallen asleep in her arms. ‘My work hours at the hospital. It’ll mean I bring in less money to contribute to the expenses,’ she hurried on, before he could express the relief rushing through him, ‘but time with Max is precious—especially in these early weeks and months when he’s changing and growing so quickly. I don’t want to miss anything.’

  ‘I’ve told you I don’t expect you to pay household bills, so that isn’t a problem,’ he reassured her.

  ‘Yes, but—’

  He held up a hand, silencing her as she tried to rush on before he’d finished speaking. ‘You want to know how I’d feel if you stayed home more with Max?’

  ‘Yes,’ she whispered, sky-blue eyes wide with worry.

  ‘Envious.’ He smiled as Holly blinked at him in surprise. ‘So often these last few weeks I’ve wished I could be with Max all the time. Returning to work today was so hard. I begrudged every second away from him,’ he continued, not adding that he’d missed her almost as much as his son. ‘The department is so well-run, the team so good, I doubt they’d notice if I wasn’t there!’

  ‘Of course they’d notice. More importantly, so would your patients,’ she added, a huskiness edging her words.

  Her compliment warmed him. ‘Thanks for the vote of confidence. Still, I’d give up work in an instant to—’

  ‘Gus, you can’t!’ Holly’s shocked exclamation interrupted him. ‘You have a vital year of completing your specialist training, including a rotation in Intensive Care. I know Max is a priority, but your career is important, too—for both your futures,’ she stated, with a passion that brought a lump to his throat.

  ‘Your support means a lot,’ he told her honestly, intrigued as her cheeks bloomed with delicate colour. ‘Isn’t your career important?’

  ‘Yes, but I can take a break without losing ground.’

  Holly paused, tucking a wisp of hair behind her ear, reminding him that in a moment of weakness he’d done the same thing minutes before. His fingers still tingled from the forbidden feel of her peach-soft skin.

  ‘I love my job,’ she continued, ‘and I’ll always need to keep updated, but as a senior staff nurse I’m at the level I want to be for the foreseeable future. Moving up a grade means more administration and less hands-on time with patients.’

  ‘And caring for patients is what means the most to you,’ he added, knowing what an excellent nurse she was.

  She nodded, amusing him as her cheeks pinkened further. ‘Yes.’

  ‘I understand. And what I was going to say before you interrupted me,’ he teased gently, ‘is that you have my backing. Max will only benefit from more time with you.’

  ‘Thanks, Gus.’

  He met Holly’s gaze, relieved to see an absence of the shadows that too often dimmed the light in her captivating blue eyes. A shy, natural smile curved her lips and a wave of desire swelled inside him. Despite her public rejection, he still responded to Holly as instinctively as the day they’d met.

  On the night that had irrevocably changed his life he’d allowed his bitter disappointment and hurt to affect his judgement. It had been easier to blame Holly and find fault rather than accept that she simply hadn’t returned his feelings. Looking at his son, cradled lovingly in Holly’s arms, he gave thanks for his beautiful, special baby. However unplanned and unexpected, whatever sacrifices he’d made, he could never r
egret Max.

  The awkwardness between Holly and himself had eased and, however temporarily, they’d slipped back into the easy camaraderie they’d shared in the beginning. It brought home how much he’d missed her…her friendship, her smile, her humour, her kindness. He’d been a fool to believe he’d got over her in the last few months. He hadn’t. But he had no idea what—if anything—to do about it. Because if he put his heart on the line again and she rejected him a second time, he didn’t think he’d recover.

  He had to keep his focus fixed on Max’s needs, which meant masking his feelings for Holly. She’d committed herself even more fully to Max. How would she react to his plan to safeguard his son’s future?

  ‘I have something to discuss, too,’ he began, watching as she softly brushed her cheek against Max’s downy head.

  An edge of wariness returned, dimming her smile. ‘What is it?’

  ‘We’ve seen how precious life is…and how precarious. It can be snatched away when we least expect it,’ he began, with a mix of emotions, predominantly guilt, assailing him as he thought of Julia. ‘I want to put a legal framework in place to protect Max—in case the worst should happen.’

  He saw Holly shiver. ‘It’s horrible to think about, but it’s the right thing for Max. What have you in mind?’ she asked, a waver in her voice.

  ‘My idea is twofold.’ Crossing his arms, he leaned on the table. ‘First I want to legalise your guardianship of Max to ensure you’re both protected if something happens to me.’

  ‘Gus, don’t,’ she implored, her voice throaty with emotion, long dusky lashes slowly lifting to reveal the tears shimmering in her eyes.

  She reached a hand across the table and he acted instinctively, one of his hands covering hers in a gesture of understanding and comfort. At once his body responded to the touch of her soft skin and the feel of her small hand enveloped in his.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’m not planning on going anywhere,’ he told her, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

  Dared he imagine from her distress that Holly might care for him after all? Or was he fooling himself again? Most likely it was a natural response after what had happened to Julia rather than concern for him.

  ‘I also want to appoint godparents. Should the worst happen, I want Max to have people we trust in his life,’ he continued, focusing his mind back on his plans.

  ‘That makes sense,’ she agreed, withdrawing her hand and cuddling Max closer. ‘Anyone in mind?’

  Missing her touch, he refolded his arms, a frown knotting his brow. He wasn’t the most social of people, and whilst he now enjoyed a good working relationship with his colleagues he couldn’t say he’d ever had any real friends. Apart from Holly. But making a decision on where to place his trust regarding the care of his son had been relatively easy.

  ‘Given the role he played in saving Max’s life, I’d like to ask Frazer.’ Memories of that terrible day brought a fresh edge of emotion to his voice. ‘With his and Callie’s first baby overdue and arriving any minute now they’ll be experiencing parenthood with a child of a similar age.’

  As Max stirred in her arms and yawned, blowing a cute little bubble in the process, Holly smiled, gently wiping his mouth and chin as she soothed the baby with the kind of natural care Gus had come to expect. ‘Frazer and Callie would be perfect.’

  ‘OK.’ Finishing his can of cola, he pulled a pad and pen towards him and jotted down some notes. ‘Because of their support and your closeness with them I’d like to ask Seb and Gina, too. Is that all right?’

  Rocking Max gently, Holly looked up, and Gus saw the suggestion of fresh tears in her eyes. ‘More than all right. Are you sure?’

  ‘Very sure.’

  A smile rewarded him and brought a radiant bloom to her face. ‘Thank you.’

  It was a small thing he could do to please her, yet he felt a warm glow—and a massive sense of relief—that after doing the wrong things so often in the past he had finally done something right.

  ‘I’ll ask Frazer, Callie, Seb and Gina if they’re willing to do it.’ He cleared his throat to banish the roughness of emotion. ‘We have an appointment with the solicitor next week about Julia’s estate, so we can discuss how to do things then. Is that OK?’

  ‘Fine.’

  He was thankful they were in agreement, but disappointed that the mention of Julia had changed the atmosphere and increased the tension again. As Holly whisked Max away to change his nappy Gus rose to his feet and began to set the table for supper. Mentioning Julia made him realise how much she still stood between Holly and himself. She’d told him some unfavourable things about Holly and had hinted at others—things he hadn’t wanted to believe but which, he was ashamed to admit, he had used to persuade himself he was better off without Holly.

  Now, thanks to Max, he was rediscovering Holly all over again—and one by one he was questioning the things Julia had said. In the weeks since Holly had moved in they’d taken the first cautious steps on the route back to friendship, but it would be all too easy to stuff things up again.

  There were so many questions he wanted to ask Holly—so many answers he needed about the past, about what had gone wrong. But it never seemed like the right time to raise them. Until they resolved old issues there could be scant hope of winning back lost ground. He would have to tread slowly and carefully. Where his feelings would lead him, and whether Holly could ever come to see him as anything other than Max’s father, Gus didn’t know. Only time would tell.

  * * *

  They swiftly settled into the new routine. When she’d first moved in, Holly reflected, both she and Gus had gone out of their way to be polite and observe their new-found truce. But as the days and weeks had passed some of the easy camaraderie and closeness they had enjoyed when they’d first met had returned.

  A different kind of tension had taken over. An electric tension. An unmistakable and all too familiar awareness. One that simmered beneath the surface, pooling like the lava lake of a volcano, waiting for the moment when the pressure became too great and it erupted in spectacular fashion. It was a prospect that both scared and excited her. Having secured Gus’s agreement to cut back her work hours, Holly had wasted no time putting her plan into action. The hospital’s administration had been supportive. As had Erica Sharpe.

  Holly recalled the day she’d taken Max to the hospital to show him off to the Paediatric staff who’d cared for him so well in the first days of his life. Before meeting Gus in A&E at the end of his shift, she’d stopped by the Children’s Ward.

  ‘I can see why you’re captivated,’ Erica had admitted, showing her soft side as she’d cooed over Max. ‘He is the most beautiful baby.’

  Holly’s heart had filled to overflowing with love and pride. ‘He has good genes. His mother was beautiful.’ She kept to herself how gorgeous she found Max’s father.

  ‘A manufactured kind of beauty though it was.’ The sharp remark was typically Erica, and Holly had hidden a guilty smile. ‘One shouldn’t speak ill of the dead,’ the buxom sister had continued, ‘but thank goodness Max doesn’t appear to have inherited his mother’s temperament. He’s wonderfully serene and equable.’

  ‘Yes, he is.’ A fresh spear of guilt had pierced her as she’d agreed with her superior. She would have liked to believe motherhood would change Julia, but…

  ‘I’m worried you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak, Holly. It’s no secret you had feelings for Gus at one time. And now you’re so attached to Max…’ Erica had spoken bluntly, making Holly blush and give thanks that Erica had no idea her feelings for Gus persisted.

  Although concern and kindness had softened the older woman’s voice, Holly had frowned. ‘I don’t understand.’

  ‘I know you, my dear. Everything that makes you such a special person and a wonderful nurse will, I fear, make life very hard for you.’

  ‘What do you mean?’ she’d asked, a ripple of unease assailing her as her formidable advisor issued the words of caution.
/>   With a sad smile, Erica had shaken her head. ‘However much you may wish it, Holly, you’re not Max’s mother. Gus is a young, attractive man, and one day he’s likely to remarry. Where will that leave you?’

  Even now Erica’s comments sent icy chills down Holly’s spine. Max had captured her heart the second she’d seen him. And the idea that she might one day have to stand by and again watch Gus fall in love with someone else filled her with pain and dread. Erica had no idea her warnings came too late. Holly was in too deep to save herself. Handing Max, and his father, over to some other woman was a nightmare too horrific to consider.

  Disturbed, Holly forced herself to think of other things. Happy things. Like new arrivals. After keeping everyone waiting for eight days, Callie had finally given birth to a beautiful baby girl called Isobel. Frazer had taken to fatherhood with the same panache as Gus, and he’d followed through on his intention to give up flying once the baby arrived. Having qualified as a consultant, and with a vacancy open in Strathlochan’s A&E department, he would soon move from the air ambulance to the hospital. Holly was thankful he’d been a flight doctor when Max had so desperately needed his skills.

  As the sun continued to shine through August she and Max spent time with Callie and Izzy—and Frazer’s Border terrier Hamish—taking walks in the park, by the loch, or in the castle grounds. She and Callie enjoyed comparing notes on caring for their charges. And, with the two babies bonding, there had been much teasing that in twenty years’ time they’d be planning Max and Izzy’s wedding!

  Holly’s smile faded as her thoughts turned from happy arrivals to sad goodbyes. Kelly had set off for her year nursing in Australia on the exchange programme, and despite the promise of regular e-mail contact between Strathlochan and Sydney she would be missed. Holly worried about George, rattling round the big old house on her own with only the cats for company. She hoped that at least one of the new intake of young doctors and trainee nurses descending on Strathlochan throughout the month would become a good housemate for George.