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  As Frazer, Rick, Robert and their entourage rushed down the corridor to the lifts, Gus offered up a plea for the baby’s survival. Moved by the tragedy, he thrust his hands into the pockets of his scrub trousers and paced the small office, too on edge to wait patiently. He was on the point of returning to Reception to question Kathleen when his boss returned.

  An inexplicable shiver of dread rippled through him at the uncharacteristically bleak expression in Robert’s eyes as he entered the room and closed the door behind him.

  ‘Sit, please,’ he invited.

  Gus did as he was asked, but instead of moving round the desk to take his own chair Robert stood beside him, once more resting a hand on his shoulder. Rather than reassuring him, the gesture increased Gus’s unease. A dark premonition chilled his blood.

  ‘What is it, Robert? Have I done something wrong?’ he asked, unable to bear the electric silence another moment.

  ‘No. No, of course not,’ his boss responded, sounding weary and resigned. ‘Gus, there’s something I must tell you…’

  * * *

  Holly Tait finished the scheduled observations and wrote the information on her six-year-old patient’s chart. The little girl had returned from Theatre less than twenty-four hours ago following an operation to remove her infected appendix. Understandably, she was still very sore. Holly checked the chart to see when the next medications were due, her disobedient gaze straying to the signature of the A&E doctor responsible for the girl’s admission.

  Gus Buchanan. Pain lanced through her, but Holly knew that hers, unlike her patient’s, was a pain no medicine could cure. She’d transferred from the A&E department to the Children’s Ward in January, hoping that removing herself from Gus’s presence would be the first step in the healing process. It hadn’t worked. Now it was June, and she still couldn’t get him, what he’d done, or the barrage of conflicting emotions out of her mind. Even reading his name or seeing his handwriting twisted the knife that pierced her heart. And it hurt as much as ever.

  Sensing she was being watched, Holly looked up and saw Sister Erica Sharpe’s formidable form standing in the ward’s office doorway. Erica beckoned her and Holly nodded her understanding. She hung the chart on the bed and ensured her young charge was comfortable before walking towards the office, wondering if they had a new admission to contend with. It had been a busy day, with several new patients coming in, and they had little space left for any more beds.

  As Holly approached Erica remained in the doorway, hands planted on ample hips. She could be anywhere between fifty and seventy years of age—no one knew, and asking was out of the question. Erica had been part of the hospital since its transformation from a small cottage hospital to the well-equipped regional infirmary it had become, growing over the years in proportion with the way Strathlochan itself had expanded.

  Erica had a fearsome reputation—Sharpe by name and, on occasion, sharp by nature—and even the most senior consultants had been known to quiver in their boots when on the receiving end of her displeasure. Student nurses approached her ward with awe and trepidation. Holly smiled, remembering her own scary first meeting with Erica. Several years on and she had huge respect for the woman who gave everything for her patients and under whose impressive bosom beat a heart of gold.

  ‘Come in, Holly,’ she invited, her sombre expression and the look in her eyes making Holly feel uneasy.

  Inside the office Holly faltered, surprised to see Gina Adriani, one of her closest friends, sitting there. A fellow staff nurse, Gina had worked with her in A&E before leaving the previous summer to take up a position at Strathlochan’s new multi-purpose drop-in centre. Just married and blissfully happy, today Gina looked uncharacteristically pensive and pale.

  ‘Hello! What are you doing here? Have you come to do some real work?’ Holly joked, trying to shake off a sudden sense of foreboding.

  ‘No, not that.’

  Gina didn’t return her smile and Holly’s apprehension increased. ‘What is it?’

  ‘Sit down, my dear,’ Erica advised, nudging a free chair closer to Gina’s.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Holly asked again, glad for the seat as her legs now felt too wobbly to hold her.

  Erica never called anyone ‘my dear’ unless there was bad news. Holly’s imagination ran wild and fear took hold. Had something happened to Seb, Gina’s husband? Or to their mutual friends Rico and Ruth?

  Before she could voice her anxiety Gina took her hand. ‘I wish there was some better way to tell you.’

  ‘Tell me what?’ Holly’s chest tightened as alarm increased. ‘Gina?’

  Her friend sucked in a breath. ‘There’s been a terrible road accident. Holly, it’s Julia. She’s been fatally injured.’

  Holly reeled, suddenly feeling as if she was dreaming. She groped for words, which at first would not come.

  ‘Wh-What about the baby?’ She somehow forced the question past the fear and shock that clogged her throat. ‘It’s not due until next month.’

  ‘Julia was brought in by air ambulance and is in Theatre now. A specialist team is doing everything possible to save the baby,’ Gina explained, but the words failed to quell the terror building within.

  ‘Oh, my God.’

  Holly sagged in the chair, her fingers tightening reflexively on Gina’s as Erica rested an arm around her shoulders. Both women were talking, but Holly didn’t hear a word: her heart was racing, every manic beat reverberating in her ears. As the horrific news sank in a range of mixed emotions and unanswered questions chased themselves through her head, and a cry of distress welled within her as she zeroed in on one thing.

  One person.

  Whatever else had happened, however much he’d hurt her, and however badly things had gone wrong, there was only one person she could think of now and only one place she needed to be.

  ‘Gus,’ she whispered, her voice raw with the pain searing through her. ‘I have to go to him.’

  CHAPTER TWO

  HOLLY didn’t care whether hospital rules discouraged running in the corridors. The only thought pounding in her mind as she raced out of the Children’s Ward was to reach Gus as soon as possible.

  ‘I don’t know how the accident happened,’ Gina said, keeping pace beside her. ‘We had a phone call asking us to come in and give what support we could. I came to you…Seb went to find Gus.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  However conflicted her feelings, however strong the sense of betrayal, and however angry, hurt and upset she was with him, she couldn’t bear the thought of Gus’s grief. It was a relief to know Seb was with him. On the darkest and worst of days, when part of her had wanted to lash out at Gus, to hurt him as much as he’d hurt her, she would never have wished something this awful to happen.

  Rather than wait for the lift Holly pushed open the door to the staff stairway, footsteps echoing as they hurried down two flights to the floor below. As they emerged into the wide corridor and approached the double doors of the operating suite their pace slowed and Gina rested a hand at the small of her back.

  ‘Holly, I’m worried about you.’

  ‘Worry about Gus and the baby,’ she requested, her voice shaky. ‘Not me.’

  ‘I know how you feel, hon, but…’

  As the anxious words trailed off Holly acknowledged that, although her best friend had some understanding of the situation, no one—not even Gina—knew the true extent of her feelings, because she’d worked so hard for so many months to hide them. She had presented an outward image of calm serenity to the world…one that belied the terrible pain, loss and the sense of betrayal that ripped her to shreds.

  Before Gina could utter another word Holly opened the door and headed towards the waiting area. There were several people inside—Seb, a theatre representative, Frazer and Rick from the air ambulance, a policeman…and Gus. It was to the latter that her gaze was instinctively drawn.

  Dressed in A&E scrubs, he stood apart from the others and a little ache settled insid
e her at how symbolic that was, how characteristic of the man she had come to know. A man who had been so alone and who found it so hard to let anyone get close to him. She’d breached that reserve and for a brief while had found the man within. And had fallen in love with him. Before everything had gone so spectacularly wrong.

  She hadn’t set eyes on Gus for weeks: a deliberate ploy but an unsuccessful one, because she hadn’t stopped thinking about him for a moment. Anger and humiliation churned inside her, as did the fire of resentment and jealousy, and the hurt that never went away. She’d tried to convince herself she hated him—she certainly hated what he’d done—but she despaired of the part of herself that missed him and cared about him. Now, like someone parched with thirst stumbling on a fresh oasis, she greedily drank in the sight of him.

  An inch or two under six feet, he wasn’t the tallest man in the room, but to her he was the most impressive, the one who immediately held her attention. Even in the unflattering scrubs he looked heart-stoppingly handsome and intensely masculine. His thick dark brown hair was mussed—a result, she knew, of his characteristic habit of running a hand through it when he was stressed—and the way a few defiant strands flopped rakishly across his forehead was so familiar and endearing it brought a sting to her heart.

  Her first instinct was to rush to him and hug him, needing both to comfort and be comforted, but as if he sensed her presence he turned to look at her. One glimpse at the stony mask on his unusually pale face and the distant expression in his smoky green eyes halted her in her tracks. Instinctively she shrank back.

  That he was ravaged by shock was evident. But his pain also pained her, because it drove home again the way he’d publicly rejected her and chosen Julia…and how the two people she should have been able to trust most had hurt and betrayed her, leaving her the broken-hearted object of hospital gossip. Withdrawing into herself, she had wrestled with the stark contradiction and confusion. She remained filled with pain and bitter regret, yet a part of her couldn’t stop caring about him.

  Instinctively she clung to Gina’s hand, allowing her friend to guide her to some nearby chairs to sit down. The tension in the room was palpable, and Holly tried to put her own feelings aside and assess what was happening. Frazer and Rick were in conversation with the policeman, giving their accounts, she assumed, of events at the scene of the accident. As for Gus, he was now talking with the woman from the operating room, and as Holly listened it became clear that his request to access Theatre had been refused. Moved to protest on his behalf, Holly stood up again, her legs trembling as she took a step forward to voice her own opinion.

  ‘Surely Gus has a right to be in there?’ she argued, all too conscious that the man in question was looking at her once more.

  * * *

  Gus stared at Holly in surprise. He hadn’t expected such staunch support from her, but here she was, planting herself firmly in his corner, and there was no doubt her indignation was genuine.

  ‘This is a difficult situation for both of you,’ the theatre administrator responded, calm and yet firm, looking from Holly to Gus. ‘But I’d ask for your patience. The specialist team are doing all they can to ensure the baby’s survival. As soon as they are free to talk to you, one of the consultants will give you all the information you need.’

  He hated being denied the opportunity to witness the moment his child came into the world, especially given the risk to his or her life, yet he understood from a medical perspective why they were keeping him out of the operating room.

  ‘The most crucial thing is the baby,’ he allowed, his voice hoarse, a mix of emotions raging inside him.

  Holly nodded, and she was close enough that he heard the little hitch in her breath. ‘I agree.’

  As the theatre assistant left, and Holly returned to her seat next to Gina, Gus turned and gazed out of the window. The hospital sat on the side of a hill, and from here he could look over the valley in which the picturesque town of Strathlochan sprawled around two sides of the loch that gave it its name. The town drew patronage from a wide area, and many villages and isolated communities depended on Strathlochan’s small but comprehensive services.

  There had been times in the last few months when he’d wished he’d never set foot in Strathlochan, Gus admitted, running the fingers of one hand through his hair. Times when bitter regret and intense loneliness had overtaken the brief spell of unusual happiness he’d experienced when he’d first arrived, before things with Holly had turned sour.

  Right now he was struggling to come to terms with the shock of hearing Robert speak the accident victim’s name. The reality that Julia had been fatally injured brought feelings he couldn’t allow himself to dwell on, because overshadowing everything was the knowledge that his baby’s life hung in the balance.

  It felt like hours, not minutes, since the helicopter had arrived and his world had turned upside down. He’d rushed up to the operating suite from A&E alone, the tension, fear and uncertainty of the wait making him nauseous. He had questions—many questions. Talking with Frazer and Rick was a priority, but they were still being questioned by one of the policemen investigating the accident.

  An accident he couldn’t understand.

  Why had Julia been driving? As far as he knew she’d never had a licence. He’d parked his car in the hospital car park that morning, so how and when had she taken it? Where had she been? Why? And what had happened? The police would want answers, too, but they would have to wait—one issue overrode everything else.

  Had his child won the battle for life?

  A ragged breath shuddered through him and he tried to refocus his thoughts before they overwhelmed him.

  Thoughts that slid inexorably back to Holly.

  Seb Adriani had reached the operating suite’s waiting area a few seconds after him. Gus didn’t know the Italian doctor well—although he was the husband of one of Holly’s best friends—but he’d been grateful when Seb had told him that Gina was with Holly. At least he’d had some forewarning of her possible arrival.

  But nothing had prepared him for the moment when she’d walked into the waiting room. After weeks, months, of not seeing her, the instant he’d been aware of her presence and turned to look at her he’d experienced a whole gamut of confusing emotions. The first thing he’d wanted to do in these most desperate of circumstances was to take her in his arms and hold her, but as she’d hesitated and turned away from him he’d managed to prevent himself from doing anything stupid. He’d made a fool of himself over Holly once. He didn’t plan on doing it again.

  On edge and impatient, Gus wrestled with his reaction to Holly. He could see her now, her image reflected in the glass of the window as she sat across the room, and he shifted to bring her more into focus. In her smart, staff-nurse’s uniform, and with her shoulder-length wavy blonde hair tied back in a short ponytail, she looked fresh-faced, incredibly young…and scared.

  Her flawless skin was ashen, so pale that the cute smattering of freckles dusting her cheekbones and the bridge of her nose were more noticeable than usual, while her sky-blue eyes, fringed by long sooty lashes, looked far too big and bruised with worry. Drawn to her, he turned around, his disobedient gaze clashing with hers. Tension hummed between them for several long moments. He tried to look away but found he couldn’t, held as if by some invisible force.

  It was the sudden arrival of one of the consultants that ended the strange and uncomfortable interlude.

  ‘Gus Buchanan and Holly Tait?’ the man queried, pushing through the heavy swing door into the room, the mask he had worn in Theatre now hanging limply around his neck. ‘You’re the relatives?’

  ‘Yes,’ Gus confirmed, stepping forward as Holly stood up. He recognised the man by sight, and knew of his reputation, but they’d never met before.

  ‘I’m Shaun Haggerty, consultant neonatologist.’ The introductions made, he shook hands with them both. ‘If you come with me, I’ll bring you up to speed on what’s happened and we can discuss in pr
ivate what you want to do.’

  Intensely aware of Holly’s presence, Gus held open the door of the waiting room, finding it hard to breathe past the restriction in his throat, scared at what he was about to hear regarding the condition of his baby.

  * * *

  ‘Seb and I will wait here in case you need us,’ Gina promised, and Holly nodded her appreciation before she forced unsteady legs to move.

  She followed Gus and Mr Haggerty down the hall and into a small nondescript office. Her stomach was so churned up with emotion that she felt positively ill, and she couldn’t stop shaking. As Mr Haggerty closed the door and walked around the desk Holly sat on the vacant chair next to Gus.

  ‘This has been a big shock for you both,’ Mr Haggerty began, his expression sombre. ‘I’m sure you have a lot of questions. The police are investigating the accident and will want to talk to you, so I’ll leave that side of things to them and deal only with the medical issues.’ He paused, looking from Gus to her and back again. ‘Is that all right with you?’

  ‘Yes. Thank you. Right now I just want to know about the baby,’ Gus replied, and tears stung Holly’s eyes at the unmistakable desperation in his voice—a desperation that matched her own.

  Realising both men were waiting for her response, Holly nodded her agreement, too off-balance for more coherent thought. ‘Me, too.’

  As she spoke she was painfully conscious that none of them had mentioned Julia. She glanced at Gus. His face was a mask, revealing none of the emotion she knew must be rampaging through him. Instinctively she wanted to comfort him, and to seek comfort in return, but the special rapport they’d once shared had broken down so completely she was now nervous and uncertain of his reaction. So she curbed the urge to reach for his hand, and as the consultant began speaking she focused on his words.

  ‘I’m afraid Mrs Buchanan suffered serious head, neck and facial injuries,’ Mr Haggerty informed them, and Holly closed her eyes at the horror that had befallen her sister. ‘The air ambulance was returning from transferring a patient to Glasgow when the call came in to attend the car crash, which meant they were close by and on scene within minutes,’ he continued, leaning forward and steepling his fingers together. ‘The flight doctor and the paramedic detected a weak foetal heartbeat and did everything they could to maintain the baby’s life in order to reach the hospital.’